The Perfect Flatmate - Toilet Paper

It is not normal to use that amount of toilet paper.

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How to be the Perfect FlatmateI don’t care who you are, what you eat or how often you defecate. That was a 9-pack of toilet roll that was unopened at the start of the week and now it’s finished.

There’s two of us living in the flat. I know that I have used less than one roll. I may have (though I honestly can’t say for definite) taken a roll into my bedroom. For when I get a Summer cold, no other reason… But even that would leave seven rolls.

Are you seriously using more than a roll per day?

Is there some kind of black market for Aloe Vera toilet roll that I don’t know about? Are you secretly selling them on and making a profit? Is your overuse of toilet paper somehow making up for your refusal to wash?

You’ve been living here for weeks now and I really cannot be bothered to confront you about this. The truth is that whatever the reason you have, it will just serve to annoy me.

Instead, I will conform to the British stereotype of being non-confrontational. I will hide the toilet paper in my room and leave a single solitary roll in the bathroom.

Toilet paper history timeline

History of toilet paper - Taken from with thanks

Edit: Alas, dear reader, I acquiesced and confronted the flatmate. She had no answer as to why she was using so much loo roll which - as expected - annoyed me. It has enabled me to add a little footnote of advice:

Replacing decent toilet paper with crappy own-brand value toilet roll is bad form.  If I try and take a positive from this whole experience, it’s that I will always buy toilet paper from now on that is half-decent.

Apparently, it wasn’t until the late 1930s that toilet paper could be advertised s being splinter-free.  Whoever fact-checked that has obviously never used the cheapest loo roll available on the High Street these days.

by DannyUK

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