The Perfect Flatmate - Toilet Paper

It is not normal to use that amount of toilet paper.

How to be the Perfect FlatmateI don’t care who you are, what you eat or how often you defecate. That was a 9-pack of toilet roll that was unopened at the start of the week and now it’s finished.

There’s two of us living in the flat. I know that I have used less than one roll. I may have (though I honestly can’t say for definite) taken a roll into my bedroom. For when I get a Summer cold, no other reason… But even that would leave seven rolls.

Are you seriously using more than a roll per day?

Is there some kind of black market for Aloe Vera toilet roll that I don’t know about? Are you secretly selling them on and making a profit? Is your overuse of toilet paper somehow making up for your refusal to wash?

You’ve been living here for weeks now and I really cannot be bothered to confront you about this. The truth is that whatever the reason you have, it will just serve to annoy me.

Instead, I will conform to the British stereotype of being non-confrontational. I will hide the toilet paper in my room and leave a single solitary roll in the bathroom.

Toilet paper history timeline

History of toilet paper - Taken from flusheddownthedrain.weebly.com with thanks

Edit: Alas, dear reader, I acquiesced and confronted the flatmate. She had no answer as to why she was using so much loo roll which - as expected - annoyed me. It has enabled me to add a little footnote of advice:

Replacing decent toilet paper with crappy own-brand value toilet roll is bad form.  If I try and take a positive from this whole experience, it’s that I will always buy toilet paper from now on that is half-decent.

Apparently, it wasn’t until the late 1930s that toilet paper could be advertised s being splinter-free.  Whoever fact-checked that has obviously never used the cheapest loo roll available on the High Street these days.

by DannyUK

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