The Perfect Flatmate - Used vibrator 

Don’t put a vibrator on the table where I eat my dinner. That shouldn’t need saying. But it had to be said.

How to be the Perfect Flatmate

In fact, not only did it need saying, it needed an extra word. Don’t put a USED vibrator on the table where I eat my dinner.

I understand you’re a sex blogger, and that you need to write about sex toys.  I also understand that an article is better with an accompanying picture.  But why not do it in your own room?

When reading your blog over dinner I don’t want to see that the exact place that my fork is resting on the table was taken up mere hours earlier by a still-moist vibrator.

Used vibrator

Ewww…

I was tempted to read the review of the used vibrator that I knew would be posted on your blog. Maybe knowing that the sex toy reached places no man ever had would make me feel better?

Perhaps reading that the phallic pink prober failed to help reach the big “O” would appeal to my sarcastic and bitchy side?

I chose not to read it though. It’s difficult to explain the feeling of seeing a tweet featuring a review of a sex toy and a photo showing a recently-used dildo laying on the small table that you use to eat dinner on every night.  I didn’t need to add any more mental images to the experience.

I thought that when you had stolen chocolate from my pre-menstrual girlfriend was as bad as it could get.  Obviously, I was wrong.

I checked, by the way. Just in case. The bleach, cleaning spray, polish and Flash wipes were all still where I’d left them when I’d last cleaned.

Was it too much to think that the table may have been given even the most cursory of wipe downs before I got home?.

Unsurprisingly, I didn’t finish my dinner that night.

by DannyUK

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