The Perfect Flatmate - Stolen Chocolate 

There’s a fine line between bravery and stupidity. When it comes to having stolen chocolate from a woman on her period it’s most likely the latter.

How to be the Perfect Flatmate

The person who came up with the line “there’s nothing worse than a woman scorned” was, presumably, very brave. This type of observation could only be quoted after having scorned a woman.

They were also wrong, at least partly. A woman does not need to be scorned so much as treated badly. To push my ‘sexist man’ vibe even further, I’d go on to say that pissing off a woman who is hormonal and on her period is close to suicidal.

I’m a man though, and I cling to that excuse often. Sometimes it escapes me just how narked a woman can be if I fail to notice her haircut / shoes / belt. (I once returned home from work and failed to notice that my (now ex-) wife had dyed her hair from blonde to dark brown. That was a quiet evening, I can tell you!) So, yes. I hold my hands up to being unobservant.

But if you’re female then you really have no excuse for driving another woman to the edge of furious anger through such small action.

Where are my Maltesers?

Action such as eating the last of her chocolate, for example.

Finishing the last of the half-eaten packet of someone else’s Maltesers is cheeky when you’ve known them for ages. Especially if you haven’t asked if you can have them. Yet this happened the first time the flatmate met my girlfriend.

Subsequently opening a brand new packet of someone else’s M&Ms and finishing them without asking or telling anyone, and then leaving the empty packet on the side in an act of pure naive apathy is walking a fine line between cheeky brilliance and dumbfounding disrespect.

How no blood was spilt that weekend I’ll never know.

Six years later and this “stolen chocolate” story is the first memory brought up when someone mentions that particular ex-flatmate.

by DannyUK

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