Mini mid-life crisis. Why you should act your age.
by DannyUK
A mid-life crisis can take on many forms.
[wp_ad_camp_2]
Buying a flash sports car. Having an affair. Taking up exercise.
For me, it manifested in the sudden idea to buy rollerblades. Images of me floating at speed down a smooth path, possibly in a leafy park, or along the seafront filled my head. The thought of the wind blowing across my forehead (which is the slaphead translation of through my hair) also appealed. Being able to rollerblade would also mean I’d be able to take the kids ice skating too - something they have badgered me to do for ages, and something I have steadfastly refused. I like my arse unbruised, unwet and unfrozen, thank you very much.
I flicked through eBay and stumbled across a pair of rollerblades in my size. At £35, they were an investment that I’d want to use often as £35 is a lot of money to throw away on something that never gets used.
I ordered them and a few days later they turned up. I quickly bundled them in the back of the car, where they sat, untouched for about a month.
This past weekend I woke early. Whether it was the ducks quacking outside, or something else that caused my brain to decide that 6 am on a Saturday was a perfectly acceptable time for a grown man to get up for no reason, I don’t know. But get up is what I did. I pottered around for a couple of minutes trying to figure out how best to start the day.
Then it hit me. The ‘blades! (Yes, by this stage I was so at ease with them I’d shorted their name.)
I got dressed and went to the car. Perching my backside on the edge of the car boot, I eased the wheeled footwear onto each foot. Placing my trainers in the boot, I stood up, gingerly keeping my hand glued to the car as some kind of support. I slammed the boot shut, straightened my feet slightly and rolled every so slowly past the car. I’d never noticed the very slight incline in the car park before, but it was serving to be the ideal introduction into the world of rollerblading. I’d travelled a good six or seven feet without incident. Truly, I was a God on wheels.
Sadly, it all went downhill from there.
As momentum gripped me, I plunged torso-first into a brick column. Flinging my arms around the hard, cold structure, I gripped tightly, suddenly aware of my fragility.
The rest of the 90-second introduction to skating I shall simply leave to the Whatsapp message I sent to friends, which pretty much sums it all up.
They see me rollin’… they laughin’…
Does anyone want to buy a pair of size 9 rollerblades? £35 ONO. Used once.
[wp_ad_camp_1]
He he I leave all of that racey stuff for the professionals. Good luck with the LAD awards 🙂
ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! Laughing my head off!! Well done you for daring to try it 🙂
Understand without question how you ended up as a finalist for Funniest… Sorry, Best Blog Post
Twitter: dadbloguk
on October 13, 2014 at 10:36 am
Ah, now I do occasionally go rollerblading (yes…really). Been doing i for years. Just in case you stick with this hobby, two things; Firstly, you should always wear ankle and knee protectors. Second, your boots are plastic. The fabric boots with laces are more expensive but much better. All the best!
John Adams recently posted…Children’s television without the commercials please
Absolutely hilarious! I hope you’ve learnt your lesson… should have bought that flash sports car instead! lol
I’ll know next time! I’ve already started my “New Ferrari” fund!
Children love it when you can have fun no matter what your age.To be on there level,and interacte in there activities is agreat way to build bonds.Just be carful on those roller skates…haha.
Twitter: faded_spring
on February 9, 2016 at 6:28 pm
-Insert ROFL face here- hope you are ok though I can imagine that hurt quite a bit! At least you can wear your battle wounds with fond memory of the first and only time that you wore roller blades!
Twitter: PostmanSpotting
on February 9, 2016 at 8:43 pm
Oh. I get this. I’ve seen adverts for rollerblades online and thought “that isn’t a ridiculous notion”.
Thanks for putting me right. 🙂
Twitter: icklepicklex
on February 9, 2016 at 8:44 pm
Oh I am sorry, but this is hysterical! What on earth possessed you? This really made my laugh, the sort of thing my ex would do! Thank you 🙂 Kaz
Twitter: ChillingLucas
on February 9, 2016 at 9:33 pm
This is hilarious , I wish I had been a bird in a tree looking diwn at you whilst this was hapoening x
Jenni recently posted…Abel And Cole Review
Twitter: east_devon_mum
on February 9, 2016 at 10:06 pm
What were you thinking? Is that a poor man’s sports car? sorry but it did make me laugh. You should just get a few tattoos like my husbands doing. equally painful but with no danger of making a fool of yourself in public!
ali recently posted…Accessorising your home in Blue and Copper With House Of Fraser
Twitter: etusty
on February 10, 2016 at 9:54 am
Brilliant. I think you should try it again!
I once bought some as an adult too (having roller skated a lot as a child, and thinking it’d be easy after being able to ice skate), although mine were the bargain price of £9. I think I used them once, but realised that I’d never be seen in public until I could use them well enough, but there was nowhere at home to practice apart from on a very small patio. They are a lot harder than I thought, although they wouldn’t take much effort. My oldest nephews enjoyed skating round the carpet on them, but I just never got round to trying them again so they got sold on. I still dream of potentially skating down a sunny promenade along the seaside in them…although I bet they’re not allowed in most public places in the UK
Twitter: Chelseamamma
on February 10, 2016 at 12:19 pm
Pahahahaha this made me laugh out loud – mine want to go to a roller disco – i don’t fancy my chances either
Twitter: alanababyhols
on February 10, 2016 at 12:28 pm
This is hilarious! A few years ago I had the great idea of buying rollerblades too … luckily I fell pregnant before I had the chance to actually go for it!
Twitter: littlepicklemom
on February 10, 2016 at 9:24 pm
HA HA HA, I love this! I know this isn’t exactly what happened but I’m just imagining that episode of Malcolm in the Middle where Hal rollerblade-dances – have you seen that? So good. I’m impressed that you got up early on Saturday for blading. Keep at it!
I have! I love that episode. In fact (trivia alert) did you know that episode is also Bryan Cranston’s favourite Malcolm episode? I can only dream of being that good a skater!
DannyUK recently posted…Lush Mothers Day collection
Twitter: TheRealSupermum
on February 10, 2016 at 10:52 pm
lol at least you gave them a try although I really wish you had got someone to video you doing it lol
I never did manage to get the hang of rollerblades, so you are far braver than I am!
Twitter: myrabev
on February 12, 2016 at 6:00 pm
Roller blades? oh wow, i so how much damage a friend got from trying to work them that i resigned myself to watching not participating lol
Miranda (Anosa) recently posted…{Travel} Weekend Getaway to Brno