Colchester Lottery winner and unfunny comedians

by DannyUK

This entry could be titled: Things I learnt whilst on Twitter this week.  Inspired by unfunny comedians, which I’ll cover at the end, I’ll start out with the Colchester Lottery winner who checked her ticket and thought she’d only got 4 numbers. How do you misread 2 numbers?!


I’ve lost count of the number of times that I have bemoaned HD tv as the news shows gloriously crisp pictures of the latest lottery winners. “Mr & Mrs X from Wherevertown have won £5m on the Lotto. They both say it won’t change their lives. Tell me, Mr X, what’s the first thing you’ll do with your winnings?”

I can’t be the only person sat watching at home, fingers crossed, chanting at the tv: “Dental work, please say dental work!”

“We don’t really know,” normally comes the reply, “I think we’ll take a holiday to Australia though!”

Ahhh yes, the holiday to Australia. Proof that winning several million hasn’t changed your life at all.
They say that the lottery is a tax on the poor. More often though it seems like the plaything of the ugly and the stupid.

The girl from Colchester was interviewed on BBC Essex and fully admitted that she had checked her numbers and thought that she had four out of the six numbers on her Lucky Dip. It was only when her boyfriend checked the ticket that she realised she had, in fact, got all six numbers.

Colchester Lottery Winner Eloise Hutchinson. Image taken from an article by "Colchester Lottery Winner"

Slim, blue-eyed and the perfect woman. £1.3m Lottery winner Eloise Hutchinson, as seen by all men since her lottery win.

My original question stands. How the Hell can you misread two numbers when you’re checking a Lottery ticket? It’s not the hardest of tasks. It’s not as though your mind is in overdrive at having to do several things at once.

If you checked your ticket and had four numbers, wouldn’t you check again to make sure that you really did have four numbers, and then in rechecking you’d discover yourself that you had six?

You almost feel that there should be some kind of intelligence test for lottery winners, though I dare say that natural selection and Darwinism will play a hand at some point or other.

Don’t be surprised in six months to read how a 19-year-old lottery winner from Colchester is devastated after failing to claim her prize in time and this losing out on £1.3m.

Things I learnt on Twitter this week, part one: I’ve just realised who does the Voice-over for Don’t Tell The Bride! Ruth Jones aka Nessa from Gavin & Stacey. Blimey.

Ruth Jones as Nessa

Oh. What’s occurring?

I envy voice-over artists. Partly because their voices sound good, whereas mine is monotone and boring, but also because it strikes me as fairly easy work.

“Come into a studio. Say these words in this amount of time. Here’s your pay cheque, please come again!”


The thing that shocked me about this is that the voice-over woman didn’t sound like Ruth Jones. It’s only when I saw the credits at the end and then rewound the Sky Plus to listen again that I realised.

How does that work? Do you think that the producers wanted “the big girl from Gavin & Stacey”? If so, did that want that thick, harsh Welsh accent on their show? Because credit where it is due, Jones produced a velvety soft Welsh-accented voice-over.

But then if you are (presumably) paying extra for a big name to voice your programme, do you then want them to be unrecognisable when they do it? I’m so glad I don’t work in tv.

Things I learnt on Twitter this week, part two: Watching the Jasper Carrott thing recorded earlier. Used to love him 20 years ago. Not sure it works now. Singing FFS?

Nostalgia isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I grew up in my early teens watching Jasper Carrott on BBC1 and thought that he was brilliant. Perched on the edge of his stool, he told jokes, was self-deprecating and funny, and was a must-see for everyone my age, as proved by the phenomenon that was the retelling of his jokes in the playground next day.

I just checked Wikipedia to make sure my dates were correct, and yes, Canned Carrott ran from Jan 1990 to Dec 1992, so I would have been aged 12- (almost) 15.

Jasper Carrott

Jasper looks as bemused as the rest of us at hearing he’s back on tv

I’m not sure whether the jokes were weak, or whether they were the same quality as he was telling 20 years ago, and that comedy has moved on.

There will always be room for one man with a mic telling jokes in the world of comedy. Maybe Carrott was ideal back then. Nowadays, it just didn’t work.

He finished his set with a song. A personal hate of mine, comedians singing in their sets, this was no different.

I think the Beeb have lined up other comedians to do this show, starting with Lenny Henry (who I find as funny as diarrhoea in a swimming pool) and following with Ronnie Corbett and Griff Rhys Jones. A Who’s Who of British comedy. If you choose to leave out the really big names, that is, and instead bring in people who’ve done little to match their comedy peaks from a generation ago.


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