Reality tv show3>
If you had your own reality show, what would it be called? What would it be about? Who would the main characters be?
I guess that my own reality show would be called The Dan Show, or something equally boring. Though given my self-imposed singledom, which everyone else seems to think is not always my own choice, I guess I could call it “Desperate Dan”. Or if they saw me with the kids when they were in an acting up mood, it’d get called”Dan Yell”, a hilarious (!) play on my full name.
>As for who the main characters would be, I guess it’d have my kids (and with such lines as "I want to go to a new soft play area daddy. It’s in Colchester. Or possibly York" which Lele came out with earlier, or "When I grow up I want to be a teacher. Or maybe a cat" which Brooke uttered when she was four or five years old, it’d be a great addition to the show).
Tasha would also play a big part, as best friend and landlady (most recent text from her began: "Hey dude, quick request while I think of it. Don’t forget to rinse the bath out when you’re done. If I have to rinse another curly hair I’m gonna make you a wig out of it in preparation for your old age!"), and she would act as the eye candy of the show, albeit reluctantly.
Work would also play a role, with the comings and goings of me in my field sales role, including shots of me having to ask strangers where certain warehouses are, only to be pointed in the right direction and find that the warehouses cover acres and acres of space, and are clearly visible, with prominent company name, for miles around.
And lastly, my mum. The wrong side of 65, partly losing it mentally, partly playing up to it, but all with a heart of relative gold, wrapped up in the ability to have an argument within minutes of seeing me (a trait which goes both ways, I have to admit!)
I doubt it’d be a major hit. No doubt it’d be snapped up by ITV4, Challenge TV or More 4 and viewing figures would peak at a little over zero before one of the secondary characters finds fame in a Heat-magazine type way, gets hooked on hard drugs, marries after a brief courtship and gets their own reality show, knocking mine from the airways.
I’d then subsequently disappear from tv forever, save for an appearance on I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here as they scrape the barrel even further in chasing "celebrity" names to swallow kangaroo testicles for mainstream tv pleasure.
Sounds fun. Where do I sign up?