Do you ever get the impression that there is more to life?
That you have more to offer? I’m really feeling like that at the moment. Work seems to be going ok, and though there have been some ups and downs in recent weeks I just feel that I could be doing something more.
It’s a nice feeling to have. A feeling that I could write something decent, or put my mind to better use. It’s a warm and welcomed feeling, and it’s great to feel so positive about everything in life for a change.
I’ve started thinking about writing again. I came across some old scripts after reformatting (and thus backing up) my laptop over the weekend. There was also some ideas and bits of dialogue or notes about a character that reminded me that some time ago I used to think about that kind of stuff a lot more.
It’s a really nice place to be. I have a job that I enjoy doing, and I’m certainly not in a place where I’m going to work hating what I do and feeling the same way at times about one or two of the people I work with. That’s no good for anybody. The fact that I’m even contemplating writing again and doing something better is remarkable in a lot of ways.
Mrs DannyUK and I have booked a holiday abroad in May which is the first holiday I’ve taken in years, which is yet another bright spot on the horizon and something I’m really looking forward to.
Everything feels like it is picking up. Although I still get to pay-day every month and have to double-check what’s going into my account and coming out of it (a throwback to being very poor for far too long), I don’t think I’ll ever get over that fear of not having enough money or being able to pay the bills.
Everything, financially, has been a struggle over the past few years. But it does feel (and I am touching wood, crossing my fingers and praying as I say this) as though things are getting better.
That said, the wheels could come off any time.
I happened to read back through some old blog entries yesterday and it struck me that some of the older entries were funnier. Possibly better written. It’s subjective, I guess, and very easy to look back and claim that what you did in the past was better that what you happen to be doing today.
I’m aware that the blog has become a lot more commercial. I miss being able to write something and not worry about who - if anyone - would read it, or what their reaction would be.
That’s not to say that this blog is enormously popular. It’s not, compared to some blogs that regularly get tens of thousands of views.
It’s more popular now than it was for several years when I was blogging primarily for myself rather than with a wary eye on who would read my ramblings.
The blog is a nice outlet. It’s nice for me to be able to jot down my thoughts, and things that amuse me. I enjoy writing about various bits and pieces that are more serious too.
The blog is never going to be a major source of income for me, and that was never and has never been the intention.
Every now and then it brings in a nice product to review or an unexpected bonus, but there’s a lot of stuff that I get offered which I turn down as it’s something that doesn’t appeal or more often it’s something I just don’t have time to deal with.
I guess that is where having a “proper” job (note the inverted commas there!) which pays the bills comes in to play.
I don’t think I could ever be a writer professionally. Ignoring the obvious limitations that are evident in my scribbles, the thought of having to write - actually being made to put pen to paper, or fingertips to keys - scares the life out of me.
That said, I quite enjoyed having to work to a deadline recently. I’d promised that I was going to get the recent Nutmeg article up by a certain date, and although I had allocated time over the weekend to write the article (and thankfully had done my background research on it), I procrastinated and put it off until the day it was due.
Historically I’ve always said that I like having written something, rather than writing itself.
Writer’s block can be a very real thing for me, and always has been, ever since I was at school. Coupled with crippling apathy at times, it’s not a great mix for a blogger. But looking back and reading something that I’ve written and being happy with the result really means that I should write more often that I do.
I’ve got drafts in my draft folder on the blog which go back for months, so the procrastination, or the boredom with actually trying to pen something, is always there.
Going back several years, the blog was far more personal. It discussed my life, my family and the things that happened around me. I think I need to try to write more about myself as much as I do about Nintendo, or Nutmeg or the various other things I quite enjoy discussing.
Hence this entry, I suppose.
Moving back to my mood, it also comes as no surprise me to me that I feel more positive at a time of year when the clocks have just gone forward and the nights are getting shorter. Work tends to keep me out until the evening most days, and driving around in relative sunlight puts me in a much better mood generally.
I have a tendency to go in on myself when Winter draws in. I guess you could say that some families in Winter will come together, gather around a fire and enjoy hot chocolate and marshmallows by the open flame. Or at least, that’s the vision I tend to picture.
I tend to be the opposite. As Winter gets closer, I feel like I want to hibernate.
I’m so glad that Summer is just around the corner.