Daft sayings: “Breakfast? Turn on the Bluetooth!”
My seven-year-old son wandered into my room on Sunday morning a few weeks ago, as I slept soundly. Despite being unconscious, he ignored that and asked if he could have some breakfast. My sleepy state caused me to respond:
“Of course you can, make sure you put Bluetooth on.”
I’ve no idea what I was thinking or dreaming about at the time, but my son queried my answer, waking me enough for me to simply reply that yes, he could have breakfast, and, fortunately, that was the end of the questioning. It wasn’t the first time that a daft saying has been muttered in the house, though.
I’ve said before that having kids leads to some amusing exchanges. Again, only a few weeks back I had a barrage of questions from three of the kids as we waited in the car.
My 11-year-old middle daughter kicked it all off with a profound question: If you ate yourself would you be twice the size or nothing? I struggled to find an answer. Ignoring the impossibility of it all, she followed it up by saying that you would either way nothing, as there’d be nothing left, or you’d weigh double as you’d effectively eaten your own weight.
My head span slightly as I tried to figure out an answer, and I’m pretty sure that had a silence descended in the car, I’d have reached a level of zen as my brain slowly processed everything. That was not to be, though, as my 9-year-old youngest daughter had a question of her own.
If Cinderella’s shoe fitted perfectly why did it come off?
Another great question. Of course, in the story, the Prince finds Cinderella as her foot fits so perfectly into the shoe. But if it was such a perfect fit, it wouldn’t have come off as she ran away from the ball.
Again, I had no answer, and rather than being zen-like, my mind instead buzzed with the useless trivia I know about the story. Stuff like the glass slipper actually being a mistranslation and it should be a fur slipper. Or that in the original story, the ugly sisters cut their toes off to try and fit into the shoe.
So there had been two questions so far, and no answers.
Middle daughter had one final blow, though. The car we were sat in looked over a piece of land that was in the process of being developed.
Why are buildings called building when the building process has finished?
I didn’t understand this question at first and pushed for clarification from my reflective daughter.
“Well when the houses are being made, brick by brick, the process is ‘building’. But when it’s finished and the roof is put on, the process is ‘built’, so why do we still call it a building?”
I was flummoxed. I normally pride myself on knowing the answers - or at least part of an answer - to the questions my kids throw at me, but these three queries came in quick succession, and like a boxer taking a beating in the ring, I was pretty much knocked out.
“Google it” I countered, before declaring that question time was over. I love the fact that my kids can think things like this, but it was safe to say that on this occasion they had beaten me.
Of course, some of the funniest things aren’t question based at all. Quite often I like to remind my middle daughter that as she slept one morning a few months ago, I crept in the room to check on her. I opened the door silently and gazed at my beautiful daughter, who by now was the only one asleep in the house.
Pleased that I hadn’t woken her, I stared lovingly in a way that only a parent can. Suddenly, the sound of the loudest, wettest fart filled the air. My darling daughter had let one go, mid-sleep, in a move that I managed to copy just a week or two back. Not only that, but it was loud enough that she woke herself up with a start at the same time.
Who needs alarm clocks when you can have beans for dinner the night before?