My week, in tweets…

by DannyUK

Seeing as I can’t be bothered doing any big updates on here, I thought I’d summarise the past few days with a selection of tweets from myself:

Sunday 27th May was seemingly a bitchy and sarky day for me:

First, the sarky bit:

1.25pm: (Stolen from PSilvaWorld) I will sex you in a car. I will sex you near or far. I will tie you to a chair. I will even pull your hair. Dr. Seduce

Followed later in the day by a very harsh and bitchy comment about Miranda Hart:

9.48pm: Massively tall, unfunny with 2 massive lumps on her. Are we sure she’s not just a camel that’s fallen over?

Monday 28th May. Back to work after the weekend, and I obviously got fed up of having to click on links to see what people were trying to say in their tweets while I was on lunch.

12.48pm: If you use TweetLonger or similar apps, then you’re doing Twitter wrong.

This is still true. If you can’t stick to 140 characters, then go back to Facebook. (I’m actually pulling a face as I write this.)

Later that evening I was sat watching TOTP2, which seems to have reappeared on BBC2 in recent times, and they played Aha’s Take On Me.

7.27pm: Woahwoahwoah. That high pitched bit in “Take on me”. Does he actually sing something? “I’ll be gone in a day or two”?!

Apparently he does, though it was news to me.

7.29pm: thirty years I’ve been hearing that song. Thirty years. I’ve always thought that but was just a squeal.

Tuesday 29th May was the day that my boredom and frustration at things began to show. After having a great weekend in London with someone I don’t see nearly enough of, I firmly believe that I was coming down from the weekend. Like a tempestuous teenager, I thought I’d share my mood with the world.

6.00pm: 29th May: Bored of dealing with shit. As of now, everyone else can go and fuck themselves 🙂 Lots of love, DannyUK x x

8.33pm: (Stolen from LozzieHakes) One for @ChardHollis RT @Plinthodarkneth Hang on. If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?

Wednesday was spent in a bit of a mood, until I gave myself a kick up the arse on Thursday, starting with a sarky tweet following an email asking if I wanted a job based in Belfast from a site that knows I am living in Essex and am not prepared to move:

11.13am: Reed Employment. Thank you for your continued interest in me. However, as I’ve said before, a commute from Essex to Belfast isn’t for me.

An early lunch saw me bump into one of my all-time footballing heroes, Julian Dicks, which I think I summed up succinctly:

12.21pm: Fuck me. I’m sitting next to Julian Dicks in Starbucks.

Julian Dicks in Starbucks - Taken from an article called My week, in tweets by DannyUK.com

Joooo-leeee-an Julian Julian!

As I say, a hero of mine when he was at West Ham, but sadly having followed him on Twitter I had absolutely no inclination to go and say hello in real life. All the guy seems to do is ReTweet anything that he is asked to. “Julian, you woz a legend at westham! can i have a rt!” The correct response to this would be “Thank you. No.”, but instead I get a timeline filled with badly spelt faux-adulation and self-promoting bollocks.

12.21pm: I wonder if I ask him to repeat something I say, he will, or if that’s just something he does on Twitter. #Dicksy

A chance comment and a turn of phrase used by Scouse Girl led me to tweet a joke which I have since shoved on Sickipedia, safe in the knowledge that it’ll get voted down and eventually deleted for being shit, or deleted for being similar to another joke that’s already on there.

12.52pm: When I told my girlfriend she was “fucking perfect” I just meant that she has sex with me. #NotYetOnSickipedia

Lastly, the day ended with a problem at work. Fortunately not a problem that was either caused by me or could be resolved by me. That didn’t prevent me from feeling useless though.

5.51pm: There are times at work when I am as useful and welcome as a fart in a wetsuit.

That was the week that was.

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