Yesterday was a day for slightly weird and funny conversations. More accurately, snippets of conversations.

My mate Alan is back at work again, having returned from Argentina last week. He’s taken up the role he left behind and his company have, as far as I can tell, treated his six month trip to South America as a career break.

Having worked there for several years, he is well known in his firm. Not to the receptionist who answered the phone to me.

“Good afternoon, WD, how can I help?”

“Can I speak to Alan please?”

“Erm… Alan?” she sounded confused.

“Yes. Alan…” Silence, though I’m sure I could hear her brain ticking over as she tried to process this request. “Alan Wake.”

It’s probably fortunate that the game released a couple of years ago that shares Al’s name wasn’t more popular or she would have thought I was taking the Mickey.

“Erm… Alan? … Er… Can I ask your name?”

I was feeling mischievous.

“Yes. Yes you may.”

A couple of seconds passed before it clicked.

“Erm. What’s your name please?”

“My name is Danny,” I said confidently, before adding inquisitively “what’s YOUR name?”

This obviously threw the poor girl completely as I was shoved on hold and twenty seconds later was speaking to an obviously tentative Alan, who I dare say had been told that he had an idiot holding for him on the phone.

The conversation put me in a bouncey mood for some reason. It had caused me to smile for no other reason that I was being cheeky and gently teasing someone.

Thirty minutes later my good mood was reigned in as I went over to the local Wilkenson store to get some cash out from their in store cash machine.

As I put my card in the machine I noticed a sign on the screen that had been brought up by the computer program running the ATM.

“WARNING. PROGRAM TERMINATED. PLEASE INFORM A MEMBER OF STAFF.”

In my experience, whenever an in-store cash machine isn’t working they tend to have an A4 sheet of paper taped to the front with “OUT OF ORDER” written across it in marker pen, so I figured that no one had yet told the numpty on Customer Service that the machine was broken.

As I walked to the exit, I passed by the customer service counter which was staffed with just one member of staff - a girl in her mid twenties.

“Excuse me,” I said, not breaking my stride and pointing towards the ATM, “your cash machine isn’t working.”

The girl turned slightly to face me, fixed a smile on her face that wouldn’t have been out of place on a Stepford Wife and resonated cheerfully, “Yes, that’s right!”

I swear, the last word was almost sung it was delivered so cheerfully.

I don’t know if she was taking the piss, if she had a lot of work on and didn’t need me adding to it, or if she was just plain dim, but with those three words she completely cut me short, and had our exchange of words been a battle, she would have just delivered the killer blow!

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