Why haven’t I seen you at church recently?
Just a quick entry seeing as nothing’s happening. Well, nothing I can be bothered writing about.
I used to go to a Catholic school as a kid, from the age of around 7 to about 11.
My mum is a Catholic and when she split with my dad she decided that she would send me to the local Catholic school, partly so that I could learn more about God, but more so because it was a better school than the one I was in.
Telling this story now, it’s hard not to sound like my mum was a full-on practicing Catholic.
In truth, she used to (and still does) pray a lot.
She believes in a Heaven and a Hell, that God is there to listen and all of the other stuff that the Catholic church likes us to believe in. She doesn’t, however, attend church.
This was always a bug-bare of the school – Many a time letters were sent out to parents reminding them that, as their child was attending a Catholic school, then the whole family should be attending mass every Sunday at the school’s church.
So, being a God-fearing seven year old, who, within weeks of being at his new school had learnt that Jesus died for MY sins (welcome to the guilt-trip called Catholicism), and with the promise of eternal damnation for those who lie, I steeled myself when the local priest, Father Christopher, bumped into my mum and I on the way to school one morning.
“Good morning Danny.” said Father Christopher.
I knew what was coming next.
Mum knew what was coming next.
We hadn’t attended church for several months, and Father Christopher was obviously building towards asking us the reason why.
By this stage mum was looking at me, though I could see that she was desperately trying to figure out a way of answering without a) lying or b) admitting that we hadn’t been to church in eons.
“And why haven’t I seen you at church recently Danny?” No fucking about from our priest – No build up, just straight to the point
Smiling sweetly as only a seven-year-old can, I replied: “Maybe you’re not looking hard enough Father!” and with that, ran off to school, leaving Father Christopher with a somewhat bemused look on his face.
So if Catholic school taught me anything, it was that you could be cheeky and get away with stuff. A lesson that would always serve me well in the future.