An early start - “You must like sex!”

by DannyUK

My God, I’m tired. It’s 5.50am and I’ve been up for half an hour since my eldest, C, decided she couldn’t sleep any more. Bless her, she’s almost 5 years old but has the energy levels of an adrenaline filled hype machine.

If it wasn’t bad enough getting woken up that early, I find myself downstairs tapping out this entry with the other two kids, 3 year old A and 18 month old B are playing down here too, all whilst CBeebies goes through an annoying montage of clips with an annoyingly upbeat back track.

It wouldn’t be so bad, but the bloody thing loops so you see and hear the same thing again and again. It’s much more preferable to “Dog and Duck” as the eldest two call it, which is the new Sky channel that teaches you the ins and outs of Sky and Sky Plus. I think it’s on Channel 999 or 998 or something, and all it is is a 12-second loop of a dog and a duck talking to each other. 12 seconds and then the same thing comes on again. It’s television for goldfish, but the kids love it!

Well, it’s finally the end of September, and if I could set my life to music, this really would be backed with “When September Ends” by Green Day. The month has dragged by, my figures at work are the worst they’ve ever been, and only a good day yesterday has pulled me out of the complete mire.

Just to give you some background, I sell loans, and I’m targetted to do a loan per day (21 / 22 per month), selling £100k of new money (so although I can do a loan for say, £15k, if the customer has £8k with us already, the loan would only be worth £7k new to me) and £1,500 worth of speciality insurance.

Before yesterday I’d done 2 loans for £3,400 and about £600 insurance. Due to the weird grading system we have at work (don’t even ask me to explain that one), which has so often gone against me in the past, it has put me on the same level as colleagues who have done a lot more.

I had a good day yesterday, with 2 loans being done for £15k, and with £700 of insurance being booked and another £540 due to go on at the start of October. Despite blowing what I’d already done out of the water for this month, it doesn’t affect my grade. As I said, weird system.

The end of September is a really strange time of year in my house. It’s my mum’s birthday on 28th Sept, and bless her she turned 63 this year. That’s always cause for a celebration, and although we’d decided to go out for a few jars at the local, mum called me at work just before I left and decided that it was too cold and that I should bring beers round hers instead. My mum can be a good laugh, so we sank an 8-pack and celebrated her day.

The next day (yesterday) is the complete contrast. It’s the birthday of my wife Mel’s son, T, being born. He would have been 6 this year, but unfortunately the poor guy only lived a couple of days before passing away. Every year I try and gauge how Mel is reacting. Although she admits to being down, I don’t think she ever truly lets me know how bad she’s feeling, and I worry so much about her. It obviously has a knock on effect too as yesterday morning at work I was like a bear with a sore head. I should explain to people at work why, but I can’t be bothered. That’s not fair to them, but unfortunately that’s how I feel.

Seeing as I got onto LiveJournal through Legless123’s entries, I thought I’d better follow suit and try and include some funnies here. The only problem is that nothing funny has happened of late, and I’m damned if I can recall set instances where life’s been a laugh-fest, so I’ll leave you with a simple story of a colleague trying to be witty…

Following some decent performances at work, I’d been asked to join the Elite group, which, as the name suggests, is the top few sales people in the region. It’s supposed to be a group that the region looks up to and tries to follow, but the reality for me was that there was often a lot of promises about what they’d achieve, and not a great deal of follow-up. Never mind, if I wanted to achieve promotion, I have to be on the Elite.

Having accepted the invitation, and then sailed through the interview, I first met my Elite colleagues for a couple of hours at a branch nearby. They all knew each other, having been with the company for a few years each and having been part of the Elite since it was re-established at the start of the year. I didn’t know anyone, and was at that awkward stage of wanting to be nice to everyone, but also wanting to get my points across. My attempts at the latter failed, so the former sufficed.

Our next meeting, at another local branch the following week was a little easier, and after we’d done what we’d set out to do, it was announced that we’d all be trotting off down the pub. Seeing as the pub chosen was a couple of miles away, we all piled into each others cars to get there. One of my colleagues, Clayt, offered me a lift, and as we were in his car, the other passenger, a girl named Clair, asked to borrow my mobile to call her branch.

On seeing the picture on my phone of my eldest two, she cooed and gushed as only girls seem to be able to do and asked if they were my kids (like I’d have a picture of random kids on my phone?) I said that they were my two eldest. Absolutely amazed that a 27-year old could have more than 2 kids, Clair asked how many I had. Three girls, under 5, I said.

Clayt’s face changed, and I could see him searching for something witty to say. His face lit up as a witty remark formed in his brain… “You must really like sex!” he said, his voice full of glee. Now, if I’d have been better acquanited with him, I’d have ripped this piss out of him there and then.

The words hung in the air for a few seconds as I struggled to try and see a witty side, and as I glanced at Clair, it seemed that I hadn’t missed out on an in-group crap-joke code either. “No,” I replied, “we just don’t have a TV in the bedroom…” Cue much laughter (thank God!) and the rest of the ride was far easier.

Now, does anyone barring me read this crap? 🙂

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